Black and White

Truth be known. Most of us prefer our lives to be lived in black and white. Clear cut lines drawn that we can work within. Labels that we can use for situations and people. Any gray areas are to be avoided because they cause confusion and invoke emotion. Gray areas make us feel something. Gray areas challenge us to choose and to make decisions for ourselves.

I don't like the black and white for too long; I bore easily. I find at work that most people spend an awful lot of time working towards having everything black and white so that they can settle in and just cruise. There's no doubt it makes you feel safe. I have noticed though that my growth as a person is greatly accelerated when I spend time working in the gray areas and accept life's mysteries for what they are: part of life.

My ex told me yesterday that he was sick of spending our separation in the gray area and that he needed things to be black and white. As such he has apparently decided to go back home to the US and leave all this behind. I don't know if he has seized to expect me to be upset over things like this, I hope so. I feel a great sense of relief and a sense of freedom has come over me. I'm still a little afraid of believing that I have finally reached this point but I feel hopeful for the first time in a very long time. I'm not supposed to be dominated and forced to work within the limitations that I have been. My natural state is change and I need to be allowed to function like that or I become dysfunctional. I feel now that I'm on the doorstep of better things to come.